“Oh, really?” They reply, (in an attempted-to-mask-but-failed shocked voice) when we answer their question of when we’re having another child, like it’s such a disapointment to the entire world when we say we’re stopping with Boe.
Yes, really.
There are many factors why we’re “one and done”, and these factors are pretty common with quite a number of parents…
1, Obviously, due to ongoing infertility, having another isn’t as simple as having a glass of wine and hopping into bed with hubby….
2, It took me 20 years of prayers and tears to get Boe, and while my heart is completely full of motherly love, I don’t want to HAVE to share that motherly love with another, just for the sake of it, and I know he’d not be happy having to share his mama and dada time & love.
3, One of Boe’s High Sensitivity triggers is someone else crying. Another is children that are younger than him. Every day he’d wake up to a world that would be too much for him, which in my eyes would be mean.
4, I don’t have enough time to deal with everything else I have to fix right now, like the house, my mental health, our sometimes stressed marriage…. add a baby in to that and I’d just fall flat on my face.
5, Boe doesn’t need a sibling. “It’d be great company for him” some people say.
Ha! I’ve had enough run-ins with my siblings to know that it’s not always a 24/7 mirror image of Topsy and Tim, and as our family is pretty perfect right now, I’d hate to have another and it to go horribly wrong.
6, My pregnancy with Boe was rough. I don’t just mean with sickness / lack of sleep / usual pregancy grumbles, but I had reduced movements from very early on so was in the MAU in Liverpool Women’s hosital 1 / 2 times a week. If I was stood up for more than 5 minutes I’d begin to feel faint. I had a suspected pulmunary embolism in my lung because I was finding it so hard to breathe and felt so ill. I was admitted into hospital for over-night stays at various times. Weekly scans and monitoring due to gestational diabetes, could hardly walk due to pelvic pain, severe pre-natal depression…. the list goes on. Parenthood has also heightened a lot of mental health issues that I had pre-pregnancy too.,Imagine having to deal with all that again on top of trying to keep the house together AND parent a toddler! No ta 😀
7, Since Boe, we’ve had 2 miscarriages. All together we have 7 angel babies. My heart can’t take another.
8, Although I’m super-broody at times, I’m not broody for another baby, I’m broody for the memories I have with Boe. He really was an amazing baby, and I know we’d not be that lucky twice!
9, I’m almost in my 40’s (don’t tell anyone!) When said sibling is 10, I’m going to be nearing 50…. I want to enjoy childhood and being a parent, not cashing in my pension on the way to baby group…..
10, In all honesty, we really just can’t be assed……
How about you? Are you parents that are “one and done” too? Do people pass comment on your family arrangement too?
Lots of love,
Kate xx
I loved this thank you! My husband had the snip after our first we knew we always wanted one and after an uncomfortable pregnancy, pre and post natal depression other various health issues since the birth of our beautiful son, living abroad with no support network and a long haul pilot for a husband one is the perfect number for us too! X
Hi! I’m so glad you enjoyed my blog post 🙂
Well done for doing what you think is best for you and your family <3 it sounds like you had a rough time of it too, which makes the choice of stopping at one just that little bit easier, doesn't it! Sending you love <3
I wasn’t one and done I actually have four children (4y/o, 3y/o ,2y/o and 2 months old). I always have people making comments about our family set up , their father and I are only 22 and 21 but we love our large family and people constantly feel the need to say stuff like “so are you done yet? ” , “You wanna have another ?” “Not as easy as you thought huh ? ” “You had ANOTHER baby ??” I just always want to say something back along the lines of “if I wanted to have another child I gladly will and since you don’t pay my bills my mortgage or take care of my children that really isn’t any of your business !!!!!!” It’s so annoying how people think you should follow what others think you should do and people think they have a say in how many children you have !
Hi Deanna, we can’t win either way can we? Have more than one and people will make comments…. stick with one, and again, people make comments! It’s definately a no win situation where other peoples opinions are concerned, isn’t it!
One day we might have a world where people can just accept the fact that we’re all different and want different things in life…. and in a world where people realise that the inside of a womans uterus is her own business 😉